2546

Happy New Year, one and all. May 2546 be a good one for each of you. (The Thais started counting the years long before we did. It really is 2546 here now. Honest.)

Where was I? Global warming seems to have decreased the amount of blue sky up north this dry season. There's slight grumbles to be heard regularly. Planning to turn left, head back, and abort the Golden Triangle ride if the skies didn't clear, I woke to heavy grey cloud, ate breakfast, packed my bags, loaded the bike, headed to the exit of the parking lot, turned on my left blinker and at the last moment turned right with a little gnome sitting on my shoulder saying things like "maybe it's sunny further north" and "so what if you get a little cold and wet" and "just when do you think you'll get a chance at this again?". It's difficult to relate the details of the next days as each one seemed so loaded with a huge variety of sights and adventure. I'll try.

Day one out of Nan I froze my knackers off. It was fine down in the valleys, but climbing over the inevitable mountains put me in both the cool air and the low slung clouds. Couple that with the bike-induced wind chill and another hour would have found me seriously hypothermic. Odd for a tropical vacation. It was spectacular nonetheless. The mountains were not like others I know. They lack foothills. From a perfectly flat valley bottom, gridded with crops and dotted with small grass thatched villages, the heights would suddenly rise, at times almost vertically. It looks extraordinary and causes a rider to want to just keep going to see what wonders are around the next corners. I overnighted in Chiang Kham where I managed to turn 49 uneventfully and also get some bike maintenance done (for free) via hand signals there. The next two days were pure unique adventure.

The first of these days was a long run, through such a variety of beauty that it's simply not realistic to capture it all here. Knowing it was to be a long day I got an early start, before the night's mountain mists had a chance to burn off - if indeed they were going to. This time I was smart enough to put on more clothes than I thought necessary and did not suffer too much of the chill. In my never-ending quest for the little purple roads I hung a right off the highway at the small town of Pang Kha and took a squiggly line up to the high country traverse. The map showed it as an all-weather secondary road. On the ground it turned out to be a dirt bike route at best, and me on a road bike with smooth tires. Yeehaw! It was mostly rutted mud and rock outcroppings - about 12 km of this to get to the top. A little way up I thought it would go if it didn't get worse, but I couldn't have pushed things too much further on the bike I was on. My optimism increased greatly when a father/daughter team came putting down the track towards me on one of the billion scooters in this country. The track broke out onto this lovely 40km stretch of winding mountain road which traversed the range by a rough cut into the hillside a little below the summits - all the way along blessed with a view to forever off to the side, when not actually swathed in thick fog. And then another 10km ride down another rough, but wider and not as muddy, access road, past the van that had just rolled over on one of the steep corners, and on to the main valley road north.

It was my policy for this Golden Triangle loop to always turn right wherever practicle, thereby keeping snug up against the border as I went counter clockwise around this Northern corner of the country. For the rest of the day, that policy was to keep me close by the side of the mighty Mekong River, peering across to the jungles and smattering of huts in, first, Laos and later Burma. It was beauty all the way, weaving with the path of the river through farms, jungle, villages and towns. Certainly a good day.

If you're paying attention, you'll know that this was Dec. 29th. New Years is a big holiday in Thailand. It's when many take their two week break and go somewhere, filling the towns, parks and resorts. There's a little tourist spot called Sop Ruak that's alternately know as the Golden Triangle. It's the point on the Mekong where the Thai, Lao and Burmese borders come together. And yes, it is that historical focal point for the opium and heroin trade that used to be rampant throughout the area. It turned out to be an absolutely insane traffic jam of New Years holidayers trying to squeeze through a great row of endless knick-knack and food stands pressing onto the highway and trying to find a place to park for picture taking. It was so weird to drift around the corner from the middle of nowhere into such traffic. I didn't stop. I just weaved through the traffic as best I could and spent half an hour getting through the jumble and on to the relief of the open road ahead.

Whence on to Mai Sae where things got particularly weird. Mai Sae is completely bizarre. I'm not sure why it exists. There's one long road (about 3kms) that has a few short narrow alleys off the sides. Why then is this one road an 8 lane divided highway? (Note that that picture is only one half-side of the road - the lamp standards go down the middle barrier.) Granted, two lanes on each side are unusable as roadway due to parked cars, bikes, and makeshift stalls - but still. I spent an hour and a half tramping around the clutch of guesthouses and hotels down along the river getting the same answer everywhere - "full". New Years throngs. I did manage to find the crappiest room I've slept in on this trip - apparently no-one else would take it. My favourite features were the floor covered in the sort of plastic sheeting you might put over a picnic table, the set of rickity stairs attached directly on the outside of the paper thin wall at the head of my hard bed, and the jumbo leech that was on the floor by the bathroom. Although, oddly, it did have a hot water shower powered by this bizarre homemade propane heater contraption under a great big open tub just outside my door.

But it was the following morning that really brought home the bizarreness of this town. It's famous for being one of the few border crossings between Burma and Thailand. There's a chaotic bridge over the river - called, of course, the Friendship Bridge - that comprises a gauntlet of Thai and Burmese customs and immigration checkpoints. Hopping into Burma at this point was my timely opportunity to get a Thai visa renewal on re-entry, which I needed. Here's the drill. First, there's an immigration office right at the bridge and another at the far end of the town's short super-highway. You need to get a Thai exit stamp otherwise you haven't officially left. You don't do this at the bridge where you exit - you do this at the far end of town. So off I go, get officially stamped out, and head back to the bridge. Then you give the Burmese guys your passport and US$5 and get an entry visa good for only one day and only for the border town itself. They keep your passport and give you a claim ticket for it. You take the claim ticket to another window and get your passport back, stamped with entry and exit from Burma. Then you go to the Thai immigration office at the bridge and get a new 30 day visa because, voila, you're just arriving in the country. Other than the exit stamp, you don't need to leave the bridge to do all this international travelling. It's quite Orwellian, and great fun in its own odd way. I didn't turn around directly on the bridge but did go into town for a Burmese breakfast of chicken noodle soup. It was great. A shabby little courtyard restaurant with short kindergarten-size stools and tables, they serve a thermos of tea, three giant sweet doughnuts, and a generous plate of veggie pakoras with each order. Next to me was a worker welding up some new supports for a planned extension to the awnings. He was welding without benefit of goggles or glass - just squinting at his work as he went. I didn't know that was possible.

Back on the bike. It's 9:45 and I've already had breakfast in Burma, got a new visa and have another day of lovely Thai biking ahead of me. I'll cut the tale of this day short. It was the longest, fullest day yet. Keeping with the policy of turning right I headed again up into huge beautiful mountains, again clouded and misted in. On the map, the area was stamped "Sensitive border area". Cool. Turns out there's Thai military dug in all along the ridge-top of the range overlooking great swaths of the Burma wilds. Apparently they intercept heroin runners and get shelled periodically by the nice guys in the Burmese military who finance their nefarious adventures and line their pockets through control of that same heroin trade. At one checkpoint I was pulled over where one army guy started chatting me up while another positioned himself on the far side of the road aligned such that neither his buddy nor their companions back in the shed would be in the line of fire, drew his pistol to chest height and calmly watched, I suppose ready to drop me if need be. I'm all smiles and slow transparent gestures.

This road was the steepest I've seen anywhere. At one point there was a pickup truck stalled on an incline and a woman out blocking the wheels with firewood to give it a fighting chance of getting rolling again. I stopped to see if they needed help and was surprised to find that my front brake was insufficient to hold on the incline. I just slid backwards down the pavement until I could get my foot up onto my back brake as well. That's steep.

And of course I got lost on twisty little switch-backed back roads where the few local folks would look at me quizzically when we would pass. And it was still New Years. I went from town to town looking for a place to sleep, never finding one. Finally deciding late in the afternoon to throw in the towel and make the long run back to Chiang Mai in time for New Years eve in the big city. Thus ended my biking adventures, full throttled, passing lines of cars through the twisty bits and running the great gauntlet of straight chaotic roadway on the last bit before town, arriving at sunset. Turned the bike in to Mr. Beer (the guy who rented it to me) the next morning, said good-bye to my good iron steed, lounged around a pool all afternoon and joined the wild city wide street party to welcome in the New Years that night.

Last night and today I've taken the sleeper train to Bangkok and then flew to Krabi where I am now. Tomorrow, back home to Ao Nang. I may not have much more to write about on my travels as I'm not planning on doing much or going places. It's hangout time, and you're jealous.

By the way, the "sleeper" this time was without sleep for another reason. This time the only berth I could get was in an air-conditioned car which I did not want. As suspected, they crank it up full regardless of the fact that it's a cool night out. I spent the night freezing with my blanket pulled over my head. Why do they do that? I had to smile at the irony that this was part of my fleeing towards the heat again.

Anyway boys and girls, now I really do ramble on too much. There's more to tell of course, but that can wait for the bar. It's down to the riverside night market for me now to find a bite to eat and start practicing being a lump.

Pop gun mai...
...Byron

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